Tell Me Your Secrets
by marysverse
Summary: He used to be so familiar with her hands. They always communicated with their hands, touching each other constantly, they hadn’t done that in a very long time.
1. Chapter 1

The sheets crinkled as she enfolded the paper and smoothed the crease lovingly with her hand, smiling at the smear of ink it left on her fingertips. Sure, having every resource available at your fingertips with the stroke of a key was great but she couldn't remember the last time she had sat in her favorite coffee shop with a newspaper. A cup of joe and some hard news, this was what she used to live for. It was nice to get back to the basics.

She hadn't spoken to Oliver in a few days. Their arrangement was confusing, they were never on the same page. As hot as it was, she knew it was something that wouldn't, couldn't be allowed to last. Not to say she wasn't enjoying it while it lasted. Oliver was definitely high up there on the list of the most…skillful.

Reaching for a cup without looking, she was surprised to come up with air and scanned the table for her wayward cup only to find Clark sitting right across from her.

"This is embarrassing. How long have you been there with me being completely oblivious?"

"About five minutes, you really should be more careful." He admonished her without a trace of a teasing smile.

Chloe barely managed to stop her eye role at his high horse he was perched on every time she saw him.

"So, should I be asking for a to go cup for my coffee?"

"I'm serious Chlo, you have to be more vigilante."

"Okay," she let out a frustrated huff and reminded herself that no matter what she threw at him, she couldn't actually hurt him, "I sincerely doubt you came here to lecture me, so what's the latest crisis?"

Clark hesitated, not wanting to let the subject of her carelessness go, but he was pretty sure she got the message.

"No crisis, just checking up on you." He handed her the coffee cup and waited expectantly.

"Um…I'm fine, is the checkup complete now?" Where the hell was he going with this?

He sat quietly for a long time, contemplating the worn vinyl tabletop. A year ago, Chloe would have known exactly what to do or say to help him figure out what he was going on in his head. But that time had long past, as well as caring enough on her part to help him.

She turned back to the headline she had been reading, figuring he would either tell her what he wanted or he would just leave.

"Doesn't it ever bother you Chloe?" He asked out of the blue.

_Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry_

_You don't know how lovely you are_

_I had to find you, tell you I need you_

_Tell you I set you apart_

"Does what bother me?" She responded absently, her nose still buried between the newsprint. He reached up and pulled the newspaper out of her grasp and slowly crumpled up the paper to the size of a bottle cap and placed it on the table.

Chloe picked up the dense little packet, figuring the chances of her unpacking it was slim to none. She should be mad, ordinarily she'd be livid and be giving the perpetrator a dressing down, but she didn't have it in her to get worked up over him, not anymore.

"Does it bother you, that we are not friends?" He clarified finally.

_Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions_

_Oh, let's go back to the start_

_Running in circles, coming up tails_

_Heads on a science apart_

Genuine surprise etched across her face before flying away to be replaced by _that _face. The only face he'd seen for awhile, the mask she wore only for him.

"No."

Clark clenched his jaw and a tiny tic came to life along his jawbone.

"So you're happy with the way things are?"

"What does it matter Clark? Things are the way they are, there's no getting around reality."

Reaching up, he caught her hands mid flight as they flitted in the air while she emphasized her point. She tugged away, but he maintained his hold as he toyed with her fingers.

She tensed, wondering if he was on Red K and was about to break her fingers or something. He felt her body freeze up as he stroked her hands. He used to be so familiar with her hands. They always communicated with their hands, touching each other constantly, they hadn't done that in a very long time.

_Nobody said it was easy_

_It's such a shame for us to part_

_Nobody said it was easy_

_No one ever said it would be this hard_

_Oh, take me back to the start_

"I'd never hurt you Chlo." He reluctantly let go of her, knowing she was a bit freaked out.

"Why don't you just tell me whatever has gotten you into this funk and then we can move on." Chloe relented, thinking Clark would sit there all day if he didn't get it off his chest.

"I don't want to move on." He pierced her with an intense gaze that used to crumble her defenses.

_I was guessing at numbers and figures_

_Pulling the puzzles apart_

_Questions of science, science and progress_

_Do not speak as loud as my heart_

She didn't really understand what he was trying to say but she responded anyway, "We can't live in the past."

"Why? Why are you so determined to charge ahead?" He demanded of her, she was moving on without him.

"Are you serious right now? Clark, the world has been coming down around us for the past year. We are all trying to move ahead, to get ahead of the curve."

He wasn't saying this right, she wasn't understanding.

"I never meant for this to happen."

"For what to happen? There's been a lot going on lately, you need to be more specific."

"For us…to become strangers."

A short burst of laughter came from her lips unexpectedly.

"You have a funny way of remembering things Clark. Our last real heart to heart we had made it pretty damn clear that this was exactly what you wanted."

"Now you're just being deliberately obtuse, you know what that was about."

"Yea, yea. You need to be a hero, well you got what you wanted, so I don't know why you're pretending with all this regret." She shouted back at him.

He erupted from the booth and leaned his face inches from hers.

"You have no idea what you're talking about." He ground out through clenched teeth. The clatter of a wayward spoon startled both of them out of their glaring contest. Throwing a five on the table for the coffee, Chloe strode out, thoroughly confused and in no mood to waste time trying to analyze Clark Kent.

Catching her elbow, he pulled her into an empty alleyway. Before she could even formulate and indignant response, he picked her up and blurred his way to the Watchtower.

"This new manhandling trait of yours is less than to be desired." Throwing her purse onto the sofa she whipped around to face him.

"You know what I'm trying to tell you Chlo, why are you making this so hard?"

Throwing her hands up in the air in confusion she asked, "No Clark, I have no idea what you're trying to tell me. I have no idea why you are saying you regret something that you wanted to do. I'm utterly confused as to why you've spent more than five minutes in my company which you haven't done since Jimmy died. What the hell do you want?"

"I miss us!!" He yelled, resisting the urge to strangle some sense in to her.

"Us? Us! There is no us Clark, there has never been and us. There's been you and your latest paramour and me, the doormat. Let's not confuse history as we are rehashing it."

"I'm not the one confusing history. You may want to write off that what we had wasn't something more but I won't."

Throwing the nearest object at him, she watched in satisfaction as it shattered against his chest.

"I never wrote anything off, you were the one to walk away."

"You married Jimmy!"

"What the hell does Jimmy have to do with this?" She reached for another unsuspecting knick-knack to throw at him but he sped over to her and pinned her hands against the wall.

"You walked away from us first, when you married him." He reminded her softly.

"Let go of me!" She hissed at him.

"No."

"Clark, I wasn't walking away from our friendship, I was just getting married."

"Just? No, it wasn't just, it was everything and you had the nerve to ask me to give you away!"

All the fight went out of her and she stopped struggling futilely against his unyielding arms. Why was he bringing this stuff up now?

"It's not fair Chlo. Do you realize how not fair it is? I can't ever have you, I haven't ever had you, and you ask me to give you away? And now with him?"

"What do you want Clark? I don't know what you're saying." He blinked his eyes clear, losing the crazy intensity that had been blazing, and let go of her. She slid weakly to the floor, a little dazed and just wanting the dumb guy to go back to ignoring her.

"God Chloe, you see? You see what you do to me? I can't handle this. I'm going out of my mind. I dream about it every night. Ripping his stupid lips off his face for ever daring to kiss you, pulling off every finger he's ever touched you with. I want to hurt him and I want to lock you away somewhere safe, where no one can ever get to you except me. You make me crazy!"

"He's dead Clark, Jimmy is dead." She looked at him sadly, his misplaced sense of guilt must have been twisting inside him causing him to think these crazy things.

"No, not Jimmy. Oliver."

"It burns me up inside," he whispered hoarsely, kneeling down to her and pulling her against him, "the one thing I love most in this world, I can never have. Because if I ever lost you, if anyone took you away from this world. I would really lose it. I would burn down the earth for existing without you.

"Clark, you don't know what you are saying."

"Jimmy died because of Davis' obsession with you, and that obsession was orchestrated by Brainiac. All because of me. It could have been you Chlo, if Brainiac had known me better, he would have targeted you for destruction. He would have taken everything that is good about me with you. With you gone, I would have taken the world down while seeking my own destruction. And I thought I was okay, trying to remove you far from the personal so no one would ever think I cared about you. But when Oliver told me he wasn't sure how to take the next step with you, I almost killed him. I had to run a few states away to prevent myself from hurting him." Clark visibly shook with clenched fists as he recalled the moment that Oliver had confided about the very physical relationship he had with his Chloe.

"I'm saying, I love you and I can't handle doing so quietly anymore."

_But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me_

_Oh and I rush to the start_

_Running in circles, chasing our tails_

_Coming back as we are_


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Apologies to anyone who wanted to a traditional Chlark ship. I've always felt Clark has never really explored his dark side and I know this is veers way out of character, but I like messing with him like that.

"Are you out of your mind?" She whispered out, utterly disbelieving that this had been the point of the entire conversation.

"I know. I know this seems out of left field. But I've spent our entire relationship keeping my feelings under wraps. And honestly, I never thought I would ever tell you this secret."

"So don't." Chloe pleaded hoarsely.

"What?"

"Don't tell me this secret. Put it back in your box and pretend it never came out." She stood up from her slumped position on the floor and stalked to the kitchen in desperate need of caffeine.

Clark followed closely behind her. "I don't understand. Why would you want me to do that?"

"Are you completely heartless Clark? Really, you can't possibly guess why I can't be hearing this right now?" Waving the measuring spoon wildly about, she briefly wished it was made of kryptonite to cripple some sense into the alien.

"No! No, Chloe, you cannot tell me you feel the same way about Oliver as he does about you! What we have goes way beyond what you have with him." He reached for her with the intention of reminding her how deep their connection really was.

She ducked out of his grasp while flicking on the coffee machine and maneuvered herself so the counter stood between them.

"I am not talking about Oliver. Do you have amnesia again? Remember my blood relation, fiery as a firecracker and stacked like a brick house? Unless I've completely fallen into an alternate universe, I do believe you guys are dating and head over heels about each other I might add."

"This is really not going to help my case with you, but I have a confession to make. She was revenge." Clark held his hands in the air prepared to block anything she might be inclined to throw at him.

"Revenge? Revenge for what!"

"For you…for marrying Jimmy." He confessed quietly, ashamed at his own behavior.

Gripping her head tightly in her hands, she squeezed her eyes shut hoping this was some delusion or dream she was having. Peeking one eye open, she found Clark still staring at her like she was a ticking time bomb.

"Let me get this straight. You used _my_ cousin, to get back at me, for slighting your feelings that I didn't even know you had?!"

"See, you still aren't understanding me. You didn't slight my feelings. You crushed me. As much as I was going crazy worrying about you when Davis crashed your wedding. I was glad, I was glad your wedding day was destroyed. A part of me wishes he had gotten there sooner, before you…said those vows…to him. You see how crazy that is? And this tiny part of me that I hate with all my heart, is relieved that the man you committed eternity to, is gone." His body shook with raw emotion as he struggled to reign in his rage.

"And that's when I knew. That I had to find someone else, partly to hurt you, but mostly so I wouldn't hurt anyone, so I wouldn't inadvertently hurt you."

"Okay, you're insane. We need to find you a shrink. Clark, that's not love. That's…obsession! I don't know what's causing it, but I'm sure that a trained professional, someone, anyone, that is not me, can get to the root of it."

Pouring herself a cup of the fresh brew, she gulped down the contents, barely registering that the liquid was scorching her.

"Chloe!" He glared at her, speeding over to her before she could finish and taking the mug away.

"Where did this self-destructiveness come from? Did you not hear me telling you that if anything ever happened to you, I'd really lose it?"

"I'm sorry Clark, this is a bit much to handle! I go from being adjusted to losing a best friend, to having former best friend proposing the preposterous. Look Clark, maybe you're feeling guilty? Maybe things are getting too intense with Lois, you did used to run from Lana whenever she got too close? Maybe…I just don't know." She dragged in a deep breath after realizing she had rambled that spiel in one breath.

In a flash, she found herself sitting on the couch with Clark on his knees in front of her.

"Or maybe, you never knew me as well as you thought. Maybe I ran from Lana because her trying to weasel away your place in my heart revolted me and terrified me. Maybe I've loved you, long before you loved me. Did you ever consider that?"

"I don't know what you want me to say."

_Patience  
Took you for everything  
Looked like a diamond ring  
You are so much longer  
That made sense  
Apathy in disguise  
Crept on you like a spy  
Hurt you in ways  
You can't describe_

"I want you to tell me I'm not too late."

_Back to the start now  
I wont let you go this way now  
Honesty  
Is what you need  
It sets you free  
Like someone to save you  
Let it go  
But hurry now  
Theres undertow  
And I don't want to lose you now_

"I can't tell you that."

"Tell me anything Chlo, tell me what you're thinking, tell me what you're feeling. Give me something, please." He buried his head in her lap, hating his desperation. But what could he do, he couldn't go on the way things were. He couldn't stand by and watch someone, someone actually worthy of her, take her away from him.

_All right  
Sit down and spill your heart  
Lets start from the very start  
Cause I can see by your eyes  
You're wasted  
Your energy comes and goes  
You taking your time, you know  
Nothing can change what happened, you know_

"Well, if what you're saying is true…"

"It is true!" He vehemently interrupted her.

"Then, I can tell you in all honesty, that you're scaring me. To me you're going from zero to a billion in intensity and I know, you're saying this has been a long time brewing, but to me, it's new and weird and frightening. And I'm not sure I have it in me to return your feelings. I fought very hard to move past you. And, I will never forgive you if you harm one hair on his head, but I don't know how things are with Oliver. I know I enjoy being with him. That's all I know."

_Oh my  
Look at your bright stars fade so  
How much can you take?_

"It doesn't matter, he doesn't matter. Lois doesn't matter. I know it sounds cruel and crazy, that's just the way I feel. And I won't hurt him, I think I've got that much control. But, you can't be with him, I won't let you."

"Oh Clark, what's happened to you?" Tears shimmered in her eyes as she gazed sadly at him.

"I'm just tired Chloe. I'm tired of never having what I want most, of always sacrificing. If Zod has taught me anything, its that there isn't time to meander about, sometimes you have to take what you want. Whatever I have to do to be able to love you, that's what I'm going to do."

His arms felt like iron bars closing around her as the gripped her tight in an embrace.


End file.
